you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
i need some magic done to my vagina
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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