I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
