Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
