So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
