It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
