So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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