my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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