I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
