You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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