we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
