I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
