eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
