I wanna passion pit in your ass
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
