I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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