How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
