I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
