tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
