Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
