yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
