You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
