grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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