The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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