I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
