Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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