Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize