You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Boobs are out for the taking
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
