Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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