I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Randomize
