gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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