No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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