FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
