3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
