cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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