My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
