I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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