Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
