am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
