# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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