I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
