Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
