Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
