Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize