Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
