The maid of honor just puked.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
