Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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