I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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