At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
3pm strippers are depressing
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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