consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
