This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
