Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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