New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
