Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
