Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
