they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
so let's talk penis.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
