you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
