have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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