Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
