just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
