I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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