I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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