Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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