Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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