Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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