Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
