When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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