Yo dont text me then not text me
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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