Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
