did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Couch. On fire.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
