A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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