In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
