she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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