Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
