I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
