Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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