I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
