She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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