You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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