oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
