they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
