Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
