I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Randomize