Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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