Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
this just has baby written all over it
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Randomize
