between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
