Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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