I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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