Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
